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What it's like to be attractive and desired by many

February 7, 2015, 8:51 pm | This story has an Influence Score of 1753

By @mariocantin

These are the stories of  four Quora users.

Story #1:

by Anonymous

Being attractive is generally great - any attractive person who says otherwise has zero sense of perspective.

I was an Abercrombie model for about 9 months in college. I'm 6'2'', athletic, and have a handsome but conventional profile - people say I look like an actor and it's a different actor each time, or they ask if I was on 'that MTV show.' Girls approach me in bars and giggle at things most men get slapped for. I really find a lot of girls adorable - they'll loiter hoping you notice, they'll try to 'accidentally' meet you, sometimes pretty girls will try to be sultry and it'll come off goofy, but you want to get with them anyway because they're cute. I also make a lot of money and money helps a lot. I'm also kind of an a-hole.

The plus is that people treat you better in almost any situation. I sometimes board planes early or get free sandwiches by flashing a grin, I make friends easily, I don't have to commit to women and they'll stick around for a long time even as they watch me hook up with other girls. They'll fend off advances from other perfectly decent men and keep glancing in my direction - which makes no sense to me.

Downsides are numerous: I've had jealous guys threaten to kill me, people will try to 'put you in your place,' I'm incredibly vain and when I started losing hair at my temples I freaked out even though it's not really noticeable yet. I'm vain enough that the last part scared me more than the first, which is kind of screwed up.

What a lot of guys don't realize is that the power that comes from being attractive comes more from the internal things you develop by being attractive (confidence, charisma, boldness etc) and not physical attributes. I know guys with average looks who get with more girls than me, or are more captivating speakers, or more popular. I didn't have to work at any of those things, but guys who did and did it well can often do it better.

It's harder for women - but the average guy has a lot of latitude in how he becomes 'attractive.' Make a lot of money, sign up for Trunk Club, wear shoes that make you taller, get in shape, slow down your movements and speech, and I guarantee you'll get 80%+ to where I am.

Story #2:

by Anonymous

A lot of good answers and perspectives here. For the most part I find that despite certain distinct drawbacks, being attractive is great. There are lots of perks and people are nicer to you (even if it's only because they want something from you). Some random things I notice that were definitely not present in my early bland uggo days:

  • When you walk into a room people will often stop, look up, stare, or do a mental or literal double take.
  • People are more subconsciously (or consciously) aware of your presence and location in their environment, you're on their "radar."
  • People take more notice of you in conversation. When someone says something in a group discussion you'll often be among those everyone looks to for reaction.
  • People will almost certainly remember your face better. You won't have that awkward situation where you recognize someone and they don't recognize you. It's often the other way around.
  • When you're in a public area you'll often look up to find someone quickly looking away (as I think someone else mentioned in their answer). You get used to people just looking at you for extended periods of time when they think you won't notice.
  • If you're around someone who especially lacks exposure to young attractive folks (say an older blue-collar worker, or a Walmart bagger or something), and you surprise them with a greeting or conversation, they'll often look at you like you're an alien entity for the moment it takes to take you in (sometimes this lasts for the entire duration of the conversation, which can be very uncomfortable). Their reaction can be any sort of mixture between surprise, suspicion, dislike, generally being taken-aback (pleasantly or unpleasantly), unnecessary humility, and/or even something that looks a bit like personal shame (this always makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable). Just by being attractive you seem to make people feel as if they're being put on the spot, and it can make people edgy, rude, shy, over-appeasing, or defensive.
  • If you are attractive, and especially if you are an attractive female, you have something everyone wants (either in themselves or in their mate), and some people will treat you like you owe it to them or the world to not be single. Like you're cheating the universe of something if you want to be alone. Whenever I'm between relationships it's a constant barrage of people trying to fill the boyfriend/girlfriend "void." Whether it's guys with their "I'm better than being single aren't I? I can't believe no man has wanted to claim you yet," or friends and relatives with their "Why doesn't a pretty girl like you have a boyfriend? I know so many nice boys..." etc. People can get downright antagonistic, they see attractive people as having the dating world at their fingertips, and are confused by your 'inability' to 'land' a man, or are affronted by your 'wasting all that good fortune.' Unless you're recovering from the last one, everyone wants to be in a relationship all the time right? Sometimes they'll even act like you're a cold bitch for thinking you're "better" than everyone else, or above dating ("Oh, you only date perfect rich assholes, nobody's 'good enough' for you? I see how it is...." Not even kidding.) It's almost to a point where I sometimes wish I had a mate just to get people off my back.
  • Some (insecure? bitter?) people will occasionally feel the need to 'put you in your place.' This is usually from people you've just met too. They automatically assume you're full of yourself, and act like dicks around you and/or inform you that you're no better than everyone else just because you're pretty, even if your behavior isn't attention-seeking or arrogant in the least. Surprisingly these are usually males.
  • As an attractive female, people will be inclined to assume you're weak, girly, prissy, and even incompetent. I am none of those things but I've found that being treated as such consistently actually has had the effect of making me act more stereotypically feminine. People constantly trying to take care of your innocent, feeble, ladylike self can get pretty irritating too if you're not that kind of girl.
  • I always used to pout as a joke whenever I didn't get my way. Now it   actually works, there's like a 50:50 chance the person will try to  mollify me in some way  (and I'm still surprised by it every time, it's a   pretty ridiculous way to get what you want.)

Story #3:

by Anonymous

Being attractive and desired by many is a gift and a curse. About Me: I am a 24 year old woman.  People tell me I am a unique beauty.  I do not have a standard look for my ethnicity, so I get noticed a lot for unique face and body type.


  • Ever since I was a child, I have always had a great incentive to cultivate my personality, character, intelligence, and talents, to prove to others that I have more to offer than my looks.  Fast forward 20 years, I've graduated from one of the top universities in the world and now have a great career.
  • It's easy for me to convince people to go out of their way to help me.  i.e. Getting freebies, special customer service, etc.
  • Since I've never been insecure about my looks, I've been able to really build up my confidence.  I think it's my confidence that makes me truly attractive and desirable.


  • I developed early, so I started getting attention from men when I was still in middle school. 
  • I always have to be careful with being too happy or smiling too much around men to avoid giving the impression that I am interested.
  • I can never fly under the radar.  I went backpacking alone in Europe alone after college, deliberately cloaked my body in baggy, unflattering clothing to mask my bodily shape and never wore makeup.  I still could not stop getting noticed by men.
  • I attract the wrong kind of men.  The only men who hit on me are vulgar, blunt, and shallow.
  • I repel good men.  I've retroactively discovered that some guys I knew and would have considered exploring were too shy to approach me and thought I'd be "out of their league."  I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 21.
  • If it wasn't for my kind personality, I'd have a lot of female haters.  I do sometimes put women off, but I try my hardest to be nice to other women so I've been able to reduce this tension.
  • I constantly fear I was hired at my job based on my looks.  I catch my co-workers checking me out.
  • I want to express myself freely and wear fashionable clothes, but I always border on looking like a diva.  Once I wore a bright, colorful romper to a music festival, and I probably was hit on 40+ times in one day.
  • The attention I receive makes my boyfriend uncomfortable.  Sometimes guys will hit on me right in front of him, or male friends will send me late-night texts.  I have to try extra hard to ease his concerns and convince him I am loyal.

The biggest con: I wouldn't trade my looks for the world.  Even though I acknowledge and despise the cons associated with being attractive, I know I am vain.  I fear how devastated I would become if I was ever injured or mangled.  The fear of losing my looks itself scares me more than anything, not the actual event of losing my looks.

Story #4:

by Anonymous

A couple additions, from the male perspective. Since the benefits of being attracive are fairly obvious, I'd like to add some of the difficulties I experience.

  • unwanted attention from both sexes.
  • people easily intimidated for no reason.
  • people assuming I'm a jerk when I'm actually just shy.
  • objectification.
  • rarely approached by those who I want to be approached by.
  • always having to make the first move - people afraid of rejection.
  • being used as a pawn to make others jealous :(
  • expectations to always be hooking up with someone or getting girls.
  • difficult to remain single.


Source: www.quora.com. Link: http://www.quora.com/What-does-it-feel-like-to-be-attractive-and-desired-by-many

Republished with permission, as per Quora's Terms of Service, under the subsection titled, "Quora's Licenses to You".


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